Hi there!
My name is Sarah.
I am 13 years old.
And now I am going to tell you a true story.
And true stories are not likely to have happy
endings.
So…Settle in.
Recently my family has been going through
some hard times.
My brother and I still can’t get over it.
It just so happened that I was a late-in-life
baby and, a girl – which is even worse, I
guess.
Double trouble!
Yeah, of course my mom loved me to bits and
pieces, but sometimes it was just so… annoying!
My father also left us when I was three, so…
Anyway!
The only beacon of light was my brother.
He is so freaking cool!
We can literally talk about everything, I
can share all my thoughts with him.
But I have to confess, that I envied him a
little.
He is an adult now, so he is allowed to do
whatever he wants to.
He goes out with friends, goes to parties,
drives a car.
And I was never allowed to go with him.
Our mom always had a good reason to make me
stay at home.
It’s too dangerous Sarah, or too late, or
too risky.
I was getting more and more annoyed with my
mother every day.
To the point that I wouldn’t even try to listen
to her advice.
Even when she would try to make up with me,
I would keep on mouthing off.
And I just didn’t understand how my brother
could stand her.
They had long conversations and every Sunday
they went out to a cafe around the corner
for coffee.
I never went there with them because I didn’t
want to be part of the audience for mom’s
speeches.
One evening, my brother came home from college
and said that he had made up his mind to go
to the Grand Canyon with his friends.
He had been saving money for a long time.
He was beaming with excitement.
I was very happy for him on the one hand,
but on the other, the last thing I wanted
in my life was to stay alone with my mom during
summer break.
So I asked my brother to talk mom into letting
me go with him.
He did his best to persuade her that it was
safe and that there was nothing to worry about,
but mom was adamant.
And on top of that, she got very offended
and said that I was not going.
End of conversation!
That was the final straw.
I don’t remember all the nasty things that
I said to her that evening, but what I remember
clearly was that I said: ”I hate you!”
She burst into tears and went to her room
and I didn’t even feel sorry.
The next morning she seemed to be in a better
mood and suddenly said that…
I could go.
I was on cloud nine.
My brother and I had such a great time on
vacation.
It was my first trip far from home, so everything
seemed so breathtaking.
I loved the views and our walks and all the
fun.
And of course I was very happy to spend so
much time with him.
We even had a couple of stories we agreed
to not tell mom about.
There was one when we got lost hiking and
one when we dove into water from a really
high rock.
I wanted to stay there forever and never go
back.
But we did go back, of course.
And my mom cooked us a delicious dinner and
gave us a very warm welcome.
My brother could not stop telling her about
our trip, but I didn’t feel like listening
and went to my room.
I was very upset that it was all over and
that it was time to come back to real life.
Later that evening, I was passing by my brother’s
room and I saw that he was sitting all alone
crying.
It scared me to see him like this.
I had never seen my brother cry before.
But when I asked him what happened he said
that he had an argument with his girlfriend.
But I knew my brother better than that!
He would never cry because of a girlfriend
and I don’t think he would ever lie to me
either.
So I suspected that he had another reason.
In the following days and weeks, I was expecting
my daily routine with all the arguments and
fights, but it never happened.
My mom spent a lot of time in her room and
I hardly ever saw her in the mornings anymore
before school.
She didn’t make breakfast for us any longer
and my lunch box was also empty unless I filled
it myself.
It was so unusual that I even started missing
my mom’s awkward questions and morning pancakes.
When I got back home from school every day
she was never there, and neither was my brother.
And every evening they came together, always
quiet and looking devastated.
One day, when I was walking toward my house
from school, I saw an ambulance leaving our
place.
I rushed to the door and I was very surprised
to see my aunt Lizzy, my mom’s younger sister,
in our hallway.
Aunt Lizzy lived in another town far away
from us and very rarely came for a visit.
She didn’t smile or give me a hug like she
always used to do, and she looked really worried.
And then she told me…”
She told me she was the first one to know
that my mom had cancer and she told me how
long my mom had tried to hide the truth from
me.
My world turned up-side down.
It was all clear.
Now I knew why my brother was crying that
evening after the trip, and where he and mom
had spent their days together all month.
My brother came back from the hospital late
that evening and told us that mom had to have
an urgent operation.
I insisted on going to the hospital so we
went there the next day.
My mom looked sick and exhausted.
And it was even hard to recognize her.
The first thing she said was: “I’m sorry,
Sarah.”
She said she was sorry that she didn’t want
me to go to the Grand Canyon with my brother.
She knew she was dying and wanted to try to
get our relationship back on track before
it was too late, but she just ended up making
things even worse.
That was the first time my mother and I talked,
like really talked.
She told me about her youth.
We laughed a lot.
It turned out that she liked to party when
she was 13 too.
I went back home with a more relaxed mind,
I had this new feeling of peace, quiet, and
happiness.
I started cooking in the mornings.
My brother even said it was not bad.
Doctors said that mom was feeling better and
we were looking forward to her coming back
home.
But life had other plans.
I remember that morning and the phone call.
And my brother silently holding the phone
for ages, and milk dripping from the bottle
that aunt Lizzy was holding.
It’s been two years since our mother passed
away.
We are trying to have a normal and happy life,
but we realize that it is never going to be
the same.
Every Sunday we go to that very cafe around
the corner that my brother and mom used to
go to.
Oh how I wish I knew her better when we had
time.
But life is not a game.
And it’s impossible to start over again.
My mom is gone and there are no powers in
the world that will bring her back or to change
the past.
A past where I will always be the girl who
treated her mother like trash.
But now I know how tricky time is.
Have you ever thought about it?
Or has time ever gotten the best of you?
You can share my story with your friends and
ask them what they think.
I’m sure you will be surprised at what they
might tell you.
